ARMPITJUICE.LIVEJOURNAL.COM

LOL totally not kidding - I love the name it's fucking funny! Make me chuckle every time I say it out loud rofl rofl rofl rofl.

Okay that is all, see ya'll on the otherside :D

PS - read from bottom post up okay if not you'll be like WTF-ing the whole way through rofl

OH HAI DERE!

Okay everyone keeps bitching about how they can't see find the old photos cuz I locked the template, so here you go, you can view the old posts now all you naggy bitches rofl!

So anyway, feeling a whole shitload better, just had to get over the shock.

Also, moved! Too many old memories here for now - time to move/ cut hair/ change life/ buy dog/ plant garden/ kick young children/ get piercings / get tattoos/ adopt a child etc etc etc ! Am a little apprehensive about sharing the new site though.

Maybe will let you guys know when more time has passed - say, a week approx or something.

Okay bye, take care ya'll <3

It is probably blindingly obvious to everyone just how much I'm in love with you.

Perhaps I love you too much to see the situation as everyone sees it. I made a commitment to you and now I'm having a hard time breaking that commitment, even though you broke it first.

I'm just going to be fucking honest. Part of the reason why is because I'm afraid I'll never find another person like you - who loved me for all that I was, tolerated and (dare I say it?) perhaps even loved my amazing powers of sarcasm and bullshit. But mostly, it's because I am scared.

Terrified, actually.

Terrified at how stupid I must be to be blind enough not to see this side of you. Terrified to know how inadequate I must be for you to feel the need to cheat. Terrified that I'll never find someone else who loves me the way i am - fucking foul mouth, bad temper and all. The thought of life without you scares me fucking shitless, but today i finally realized that no matter how much I love you - you might not feel the same way about me. Not anymore, anyway.

I need to stop being such a coward, stop being afraid of being lonely for the months ahead, stop clinging on to the (improbable) hope that you'll realize how much i mean to you - because really, I might not have ever meant that much to you in the first place.

Perhaps I will ask for one last day with him, after which I will try my best never to look back again.

I was alone for all those months without you, I can fucking do it again. Going to nut up then shut up and hopefully never ever talk about this shit again.

Also, I am now putting all my thoughts under lock and key. I love writing, and I will continue to do so - just not here. Being too public with this shit will earn me nothing but judgment, scorn or pity - all of which I really don't want.

Once again, it's been a immensely fun run and I thank you for reading me. Perhaps one day when I'm not half-mad from sadness anymore I will unlock this shit.

XOXO,
Gossip girl (LMAO)

How can I decide what's right
when you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win your losing fight all the time.

How did we get here when I used to know you so well?

There's something i see in you
It might kill me.

I suppose it's good that you're keeping me waiting. It's torture, but the longer you take, the more time I have to think - soon I'll realize how dumb I'm being to be even still waiting in the first place.

How stupid is it that I know the cons greatly outweigh the pros, that your previous actions were irresponsible and heartbreaking and yet, i still find myself wanting.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

1:52 WINS FOREVER ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL.

Aiy almost made it today. I ignored his msn msgs in the morning and blocked him off, but caved in at 8pm. It takes time I guess? Some habits are hard to break.

Crashed Shaun's place for awhile to get some work done.


This is how his hair looks like in the morning ROFL. WITHOUT GEL. Super amazing rofl rofl rofl.

He then had to leave for a family gathering, so Haris picked me up and sent me home. I rode pillion and initially i was scared shitless, but it got better after I realized i probably wouldn't die lol.

Riding a bike is pretty exhilarating. You hear nothing but your heart beating in your ears and the wind whipping past your face, especially along the long highway roads. I kinda like it. You just sit and watch as the world speeds past, observing everything and nothing at the same time - really keeps the brain blank and for that short amount of time, i was pain free. Must do it again soon.


I made him my bitch lol.

We just talked a little to keep my mind off him. But now he's gone home and everything is just silent again and when the silence comes, wallowing immediately follows. God damn I hate wallowing. I try to keep preoccupied - making stuff, doing work but God damn when there's no one around me, you're just in my head. I can't make you go away, i can't make the pain go away, I just want to be over you asap zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Aiy gonna go make more shit now or something k bai zzzzzzzzz

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL A+

Am super fucking cranky right now like srsly.

Go fuck yourselves - or rather - each other like you've already done so in France.

Can't be fucked to be nice anymore - to think I even felt really bad for you for being collateral damage and that he broke your heart too - wah seriously, still want to play victim card.

Fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking annoyed. No scratch that - up to my eyeballs in rage and am turning green now going to hulk out any second tsk.

Urgh. You two deserve each other.

Lena Pena! Thanks for the company yesterday - I had fun :D


Talking about the long and short of things in generally rofl.



Okay i know you can't see shit here, but this is actually them vigorously "pedaling" with their wiimotes HAHAHAHAA just listen to the sound okay - i think they didn't realize they were screaming/yelling ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL


Dying after the super intensely tiring rabbid race HAHAHAHAHA


Whacking porridge for supper :D


Meiyern~


Fisherman lol.




Daniel ate Shaun's Tofu - if you know what i mean lol.

Have been wearing my glasses these few days because my eyes are so swollen i have quadruple eyelids so i keep having to squint, which gives me a motherfucker of a headache. Everyone's like WTF YOU HAVE GLASSES?! like hello how long have you known me how do you not know I'm (very slightly) visually impaired lol??

Aiy okay, going to find a place to crash later so i won't be alone today k bai.

I'm tired okay. Every fucking time I want to believe you, more evidence crops up that you're a cheating asswipe, more evidence that you're STILL fucking two-timing.

I met him today. I told him I just wanted my watch back, but really I just wanted to see how we are when we're together, to see if it was possible to move forward. And yeah okay I couldn't resist and I hugged him (Cue all my friends screaming that I am a fucking idiot. Done? Okay moving on). It felt so good, so fucking right and yet part of my brain was like FUCK THIS SHIT STOP IT STOP BEING SO STUPID.

And we talked like everything was normal, our chemistry amazing as usual, just behaving like our old selves.

He left to meet his friends (as did I) and for awhile, I was a little happier now that I had hope that things would work themselves out.

Then BOOMZ (lol), someone dropped a new motherfucking huge-ass bomb on me - even bigger and badder than the last 20 and now I could never, ever fucking look at you the same fucking way again.

How can you tell me you love me and tell her you love her at the same fucking time? If you can't tell me exactly who you want to be with at the drop of a hat, if you still need time to "think", then fuck it - you obviously don't know who or what you want. Fuck this shit - you can fucking have her; she can fucking have you.

I want no part of someone so fucking two-faced, to be able to lie to me again and again and again and again and afuckingain over and over and over and over - it just pisses me the fucking fuck off.

I've honestly never loved someone as much as I love you (note present tense, because I'm not a lying whore), have never been as close to anymore, have never found anyone else who was able to hold my interest for as long as you have. I'm sorry that you destroyed us and decimated my heart in the process of doing so. I'm grateful for all the good times, and i'm not going to lie - i miss you, i will miss you, i won't stop missing you for a long time - but it's about time for me to stop being such a disillusioned lovesick retard.

I deleted him off bbm, ignored most of the msgs that came flooding in, kept rejecting all the calls but they got so fucking annoying i had to freaking turn my fucking phone off. I'm angry now, which is a hundred times better than overwhelming sadness, but obviously I won't stay angry for too long and hopefully, this post will remind me why i should stop trusting him, because every single time I get my hopes up, they get shot down and I really am tired of trying to nurse my broken heart.

To all my squasher friends, I am (honestly) probably not going to see ya'll for a long time, seeing how i no longer have a reason to even be near a squash court. It's been a fun ride, you're all awesome and possibly insane, I'm glad and grateful to have met you guys.

For now, it's back to wii-ing insanely and keeping myself preoccupied and possibly fucking you out of my system.

Maybe one day we will be together again when you stop being an asshole/ when you have realized how stupid you were to lose me (because I am an amazing girlfriend lol), but right now I can't look at you without wanting to hurl, so goodbye for now.

Okay not gonna lie, will need back up with this staying-away-from-him thing, so if you see me getting soft-hearted and leaning towards taking him back, please txt me/ msn me/ facebook me/ slap me across the face with a fish / call me and scream your lungs out at me. Free pass to yell at Yoko/SWMNBN LEH! Everyone's like scrambling for their phones now lor i bet lol.

Okay that is all, I really need to pee lol bye.

It's worst when it's quiet. Just before you sleep or right after you wake - that's like the potential stab-self period lol.

We talked yesterday - I tried to figure out what in the fucking hell went wrong. The reason was really fucking twisted, to be completely fucking honest - but still I feel like I had a part to play in it. I know it's no excuse to cheat, but I know I pressured him quite a bit. Every time he wasn't there, I'd push a little more, ask for more time, more attention. I'd get more resentful each time he wasn't there when something major happened. The more I pushed, the more guilt and pressure he felt, the more he pulled away - how fucking twisted is that?

Wanting time with him pushed him straight into someone else's arms - go me. I win.

I know it's not a good enough reason to cheat (is there even a good enough reason??) but still - you can see why i feel crazy guilty.

Or as everyone puts it - he's playing me and i'm being a really stupid idiot.

But fuck me i'm still confused as ever. He's supposed to Mr.Decent, and now everything's played out this way. Even with all the evidence I've been given - I still want to make it work lol. I guess there really is no limit for stupidity, is there?

I just want to go back to being perpetually happy when we were together - that's probably why i keep grasping at straws lol.

But I cut off contact after the call - burns like crazy, but needed to be done. Going to take time away from him for 2 or 3 weeks and hopefully make a rational decision when the wounds aren't so fresh.

Oh and my polyfriends are freaking amazing. They camped outside my house and brought me comfort, CDs and comfort food lol. I didn't even know they were there - I was actually leaving the house to pick Ziying up from the MRT and when i opened the door, chingy popped out from nowhere and was all like ~SURPRISE~!!!! lololol.

Who needs bras when i've got such good friends/siblings lol - they're all the support I need <3

Oh and I was looking at the my previous posts and i found this gem:



LOL the irony is just killing me right now lol.

Gonna try to get some schoolwork done and try not to think of anything at all. bai.

Woke up today feeling shitty. Txted for backup and just like that, re-enforcements arrived in the form of Haris and Shaun, Zinc and Dan.

Thanks guys. Really made me feel a whole lot better (:

Caught a movie with Shaun - Cirque de freak. It really was pretty good, although the kissing scene was like a stab to the face lol.


Mahjonging before his flight.


LOL look at me all happy like toad and shit. Wish everything would rewind and play out differently heh. I was looking through my phone and activated the camera and his face popped up across the screen and it was like *STAB SELF* /dies.


Gaying out in public.


THE CONDOMS ARE EATING THEIR HEADS ROFL.


Popeyes.

At least they got me eating. Yesterday I couldn't even eat, which is probably a good thing seeing how much fat I've yet to lose lol. My sister is awesome - she bought me hot fries + a chocolate fudge sundae (which is probably the best comfort food combo ever) but i really couldn't lol. Super sad - waste HOT FRIES LEH!

Also, my brother/haris/shaun hijacked my phone and all individually threatened to sodomize him lol. I know I shouldn't laugh but I did - it's sweet that they're all so protective lol. Thanks dudes, you're all awesome <3.

Oh and I'm going to cut off ties with him today, for my sanity's sake. I need some time away to think rationally, whether you're worth the potential hurt or not zzzz.

Wish me luck, going to need it, bye!

It's fucking slim shady! LOL no but srsly - fuck this shit. It's 6.30am, no one's online, I have no other outlet.

A little birdie told me, no wait, fuck that, a whole gigantic flock of fucking birdies told me things I wish I never knew, because now I don't even know what kind of person you are.

Who the fuck have I been dating for the past 3 years? The picture that said birdies are painting is so fucking different from the loving boyfriend you've been for years, and now my brain is all fucking scrambled.

I want to believe you so fucking badly, I really do - that it was an accident, it was her fault etc etc, but now I know better. I thought we were salvageable - how fucking stupid and naive am I? After what you did, most people would take a chopper to your peen, but instead I comforted you after you broke down and apologized. I think I was still in shock. Kinda still am, actually lol.

Can you believe this shit? I waited and waited and waited for months, only to find out you're part Tiger Woods. I can't breathe, I can't fucking reconcile these 2 different sides of you that everyone is showing me I can't I can't I just fucking can't.

When i first saw you at the airport, all I could feel was overwhelming relief that you were back. You held me and kissed my forehead while i cried my eyeliner off and I thought how fucking silly i was for ever doubting you in the first place. I told everyone - EVERY FUCKING ONE - that you'd be faithful, you're boa homan, you're a decent person, you'd never hurt me that way. Just how fucking blind/stupid am I?

I want to get angry and punch you in the face, but now all I feel is just downright fucking sad. I can't get the image of the two of you out of my head, I can't stop crying, I look like fucking WOLL SMOTH god fucking damn it.


See? Except with longer hair lol.

Want to sleep but can't. Want to stop thinking but can't. Am a fucking weak mess. Worst parts are when I look at facebook at ppl are all like CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS, YOUR WAIT IS OVER and I really really want to just fucking hurl.

Comments still disabled. Don't want to know what you're thinking, don't need you to tell me I'm a fucking idiot for even thinking about taking him back, because I know that - I really do know how fucking, fucking stupid it is.

I don't know how I can hate you for cheating and yet still want to be with you so fucking badly I can't breathe.

Aiy but i'll be okay la. I'm not stupid enough to be suicidal or anything, i'm just fucking fucking sad for now. I will get over it in time, i will try not take him back, but I can't promise anything because I am stupid and have now cried myself blind lol.

I took the next 2 weeks off from work to spend time with you, and now all that time is just looking vastly empty and I don't know what to do. If you're reading this, please ask me out haris/daniel/shaun/ziying/lydia/polyfriends. Don't let me be alone i don't want to think about it anymore.

I don't know what to do about our mutual friends though zzz. I've met some great people through you/squash (like Ameer, Sean Ang, Luke, Nick, Juan, Lumen, Lena) I don't want to stop being friends with them just because you're an asshole, but now when I see them or their facebk profiles it makes me think of you and that makes me want to vomit my ass off so I don't really know what the fuck to do.

okay that is all that's on my mind right now, i will try to keep preoccupied with mahjong or something. Bye.

I want to go to sleep and wake up and find that it was all a dream, a prank - please God anything but reality.

To find out that our love obviously counted for nothing - I can't even begin to describe the feeling, because really, there is no accurate description for soul rape, is there?

Trying to move along now by exercising my sarcasm/humor muscle, hopefully the pain will pass quickly, or I will get hit by a bus tomorrow and get serious amnesia and that will erase all memories of the past almost-3 years we spent together.

On a haitus for now - if i don't come back, either my get-hit-by-bus wish came true, or i have already flung myself off a high-rise or I have simply moved to another blog.

Gonna disable comments now, thanks for reading me, gonna remove myself from cyberspace for awhile til I get my life back on track.

Stay safe, use condoms, and remember, "Yes, We can!".

"You're so ugly", said the anonymous tagger.

))))))):

Miso sad.

I now want to kill myself.

I will now wear a tudong and facemask out of the house forever etc etc etc etc etc etc.

LOL srsly? Boring, unoriginal insult and quite frankly, I can't be fucked about it.

Say then say lor, miso sad/hurt/want to die LEH!!! Your words so hurtful my soul is shattered / will never recover / self esteem inside your asshole already LEH!!!!

Whatever - I'm getting cheese fries lol.

I'm tired. Confused and annoyed and just caught in a viscous cycle of bullshit.

You don't call/sms, i'll get upset, hurt and pissed and will then complain, and you'll get annoyed that I keep complaining and wonder why i'm not an understanding girlfriend, then i'll get annoyed that you're annoyed because you caused it in the first fucking place and rewind and replay and rewind and replay and rewind and refuckingplay.

I wish you hadn't left me behind. I wish you had put in more effort. I wish I was more patient, more tolerant, less insecure and less paranoid that you'd cheat.

I had to hunt you down via eyebrowgirl just to get you to reply. I have sunk lower than low, way past desperate and am now plunging straight towards insanity.

I really fucking wish I didn't care, then maybe my heart will stop feeling like it's going to shatter.

Where are you where are you where the fucking fuck are you zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm fucking worried now, what if someone kidnapped him and sold him as a prostitute HOW HOW HOW?!

Worry = good sign yes ? means I still feel something yes?

Aiy i don't know la where the hell are you can you please fucking reply me i'm srsly dying zzzzzzzzzz.

Meatballs yestday with zinc and poks. No pic of poks cuz they were all unglam and she'd poke my eye out if i posted them lol.


Also, received this in the mail. It's a msg in a bottle that the boyfriend mailed over from Finland, Santa Claus Village (I shit you not). Thanks for the xmas wishes .. 12 days late. Saw this in the mail, ran up the stairs, chionged to open it, and read the really really sparse msg, felt ......... nothing much really.

I'm such a horrible girlfriend. I should be grateful (lol) that he even sent me something at all (i guess)? But still here I am, as pissed as before and as disgruntled.

Can i just be completely fucking honest?

I'm fucking terrified to see you.

Terrified that you're no longer in love with me;
terrified that I might no longer feel for you;

I'm afraid of how I'm going to react to you. That I'll realize you're not the one for me, that I'll be a real cunty bitch to you especially now that I'm still raw from all the bullshit you've been pulling.

I don't feel relief or happiness at fucking all. Either my brain is bleeding from the inside or our relationship is really fucking broken - I'd put my money on the latter though.

Aiya just fucking confused right now. If you blindfold me, spin me around in circles and kick me down the stairs i'd still be less disoriented than I am now. Okay maybe not. I'd be nauseous, pissed AND confused and will then proceed to projectile vomit all over you and pee down your throat lol.

But I digress - Everyone is telling me to just hold the fuck on til he comes back and try to solve it then, but why I would want to continue a one-sided relationship is way beyond me. Or that might just be the resentment talking.

Ok obviously need therapy STAT.

That is all. The more I think about it the more I want to vomit urgh k bai.

AFK LOL FORFUCKINGEVER

I wish i could stop overreacting but that would mean you'd have to give a shit first, and that probably isn't going to happen anytime soon yeah?

Worth the wait or not worth the wait ?

You tell me.

I can't even look you in the face without my brain puking all over itself.

I don't understand you or your actions. You're obviously resentful of what your life has become - well TOO FUCKING BAD, SUCK IT UP. Stop whining, stop being a martyr, stop being a sorry excuse for a man. Stop trying to drag everyone down with you while you attempt to make your own life miserable.

Nut up or shut up, asshole.

Ponggol Nasi Lemak!


Chingy enjoying her plate of awesomeness.


Joleong insisted hers resembled a face ._. (???)


Joseph lol SPARKLING apple juice lol


Yesterday our plans got cancelled cuz meiyern was in major pain following the extraction of many teeth, so i made mini blueberry muffins to pass the time


Yes that is Nutella in the background ROFL


Ziying came over to mahjong with me! Brought her cute poodle, Rexx, along. I was like fucking terrified he'd pee in my room so i was watching him the whole time LOLOLOL


Distracting Kee from stacking his mahjong rofl


Dunno why he's smiling - he said Rexx was standing on his balls ._.


And lastly my sister trying to corrupt the dog rofl rofl. Also, Rexx kept sniffing her ass AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA ok i stop before she stabs me in the face


Also, this is fucking funny HAHAHAHAHA don't worry XiuYan i rescued you HAHAHA

Okay that is all, might have plans tonight to make up for yesterday YAY ttyl BYEEEEEE

Yesterday I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited for your call. Part of me knew you wouldn't and yet for some stupid reason I still hoped that you would (probably because my brain is obviously small and damaged).

I hate that when I ask for a call you tell me it's a waste of money. What am I, chopped liver? I've been waiting for you for months on end and you won't even drop me a line at the end of the year. You keep saying you don't have time to txt because you're moving around and shit, but what the fucking fuck seriously?? One tiny txt takes like 20 seconds - You don't even have 20 seconds to spare me???? Am I that unimportant or do you honestly not give a flying fuck? You just take it for granted that just because last year I waited for you so this year my waiting is a given too yes? Sometimes I just wonder why in the fucking hell I am waiting. You tell me you're putting in soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much effort etc etc but honestly, i don't see it; have never seen it; don't actually expect to see it.

You didn't call so i tried to call you instead, but your phone was turned off. Which means you forgot about my asking you to call. Thank you. I feel so appreciated, you wonderful man you.

Kinda fed up, kinda at my limit, kinda pissed off, kinda hurt, kinda feel like shit, kinda at the end of patience, kinda want to punch you in the face, kinda don't want want to see you anymore.

You'll be back in 6 days, and right now i can't be fucked about it - honestly i'm not even sure if I'm still in love with you anymore.

Thanks for the great start to the new year. Happy 2010.

This song has a really awesome feel-good vibe, must listen k k k !

Also, yesterday the print-shop-aunty closed up half an hour early even though i specifically told her i needed to print shit and i'd be back. Couldn't shoot without the printed materials so i had to postpone and push back my shoot.

....

SCUMSUCKINGBALLLICKINGSLUTFACEDSKANKEDOUTHOBAGROADWHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck super pissed wanted to like hang a pig's head outside the fucking shop k @#*(!&#(@*#&!@*# !!!!!! And today i was like UM HELLO WHY YOU CLOSE EARLY and she was all like *sheepish* and *act shy/cute* like "oh miso sorry i was tired ystday ):"

Oh. Okay. That makes it completely fine (:

.... NOT.

GO FUCK YOURSELF TSK.

In other news, juicy juicy berries just for you to see:


Berry red! (Click HERE to see it in it's full glory lol)


Berry juicy lol


Berry hairy ROFL.


BERRY BOUNCY LOL okay i shall stop punning before someone stabs me in the face LOL.
(Click HERE to see it in it's full, naked glory lol)

After my shoot - Ponggol Nasi Lemak, fake glitter, singing candles and (non)edible fake-sugarspun hello kitties made a makeshift belated birthday celebration for our favourite shiny toilet cleaner:

~JOSEPH SPARKLES~

Let us now take a moment to appreciate this amazing gif :



Also, a short video in which we make him believe plastic is edible ROFL ROFL



ROFLROFLROFLROFL x 238429384!

HAPPY BELATED! You'll be glad to know i left my spraymount + tub of glitter at home, else today would have been a lor more .. shiny ROFL.

In other news, NEXT THURDAYS THIS FATTY WILL BE BACK :



I am currently riding the moodswing roller coaster - going from relief to angsty anger to anxiousness to happiness over and over again in a random circuit. Fuck this shit I'm so fucking restless TIME PLEASE PASS FASTER ROAR!

Okay that is all, brain is falling asleep, night ya'll!