I'm tired okay. Every fucking time I want to believe you, more evidence crops up that you're a cheating asswipe, more evidence that you're STILL fucking two-timing.

I met him today. I told him I just wanted my watch back, but really I just wanted to see how we are when we're together, to see if it was possible to move forward. And yeah okay I couldn't resist and I hugged him (Cue all my friends screaming that I am a fucking idiot. Done? Okay moving on). It felt so good, so fucking right and yet part of my brain was like FUCK THIS SHIT STOP IT STOP BEING SO STUPID.

And we talked like everything was normal, our chemistry amazing as usual, just behaving like our old selves.

He left to meet his friends (as did I) and for awhile, I was a little happier now that I had hope that things would work themselves out.

Then BOOMZ (lol), someone dropped a new motherfucking huge-ass bomb on me - even bigger and badder than the last 20 and now I could never, ever fucking look at you the same fucking way again.

How can you tell me you love me and tell her you love her at the same fucking time? If you can't tell me exactly who you want to be with at the drop of a hat, if you still need time to "think", then fuck it - you obviously don't know who or what you want. Fuck this shit - you can fucking have her; she can fucking have you.

I want no part of someone so fucking two-faced, to be able to lie to me again and again and again and again and afuckingain over and over and over and over - it just pisses me the fucking fuck off.

I've honestly never loved someone as much as I love you (note present tense, because I'm not a lying whore), have never been as close to anymore, have never found anyone else who was able to hold my interest for as long as you have. I'm sorry that you destroyed us and decimated my heart in the process of doing so. I'm grateful for all the good times, and i'm not going to lie - i miss you, i will miss you, i won't stop missing you for a long time - but it's about time for me to stop being such a disillusioned lovesick retard.

I deleted him off bbm, ignored most of the msgs that came flooding in, kept rejecting all the calls but they got so fucking annoying i had to freaking turn my fucking phone off. I'm angry now, which is a hundred times better than overwhelming sadness, but obviously I won't stay angry for too long and hopefully, this post will remind me why i should stop trusting him, because every single time I get my hopes up, they get shot down and I really am tired of trying to nurse my broken heart.

To all my squasher friends, I am (honestly) probably not going to see ya'll for a long time, seeing how i no longer have a reason to even be near a squash court. It's been a fun ride, you're all awesome and possibly insane, I'm glad and grateful to have met you guys.

For now, it's back to wii-ing insanely and keeping myself preoccupied and possibly fucking you out of my system.

Maybe one day we will be together again when you stop being an asshole/ when you have realized how stupid you were to lose me (because I am an amazing girlfriend lol), but right now I can't look at you without wanting to hurl, so goodbye for now.

Okay not gonna lie, will need back up with this staying-away-from-him thing, so if you see me getting soft-hearted and leaning towards taking him back, please txt me/ msn me/ facebook me/ slap me across the face with a fish / call me and scream your lungs out at me. Free pass to yell at Yoko/SWMNBN LEH! Everyone's like scrambling for their phones now lor i bet lol.

Okay that is all, I really need to pee lol bye.