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no rest for the wicked.


Generally intolerant and deathly allergic to stupidity. I tend to repeat myself, I tend to repeat myself, and I like food, clean shaven pits and interesting nail polish shades.

As usual, if IQ is below 10 :


Adnan ; Amos(anus); Collin; David; Derek; Desiree; Faris; Grace; Homan ; Issac; Joanna; Joe Lee ; Jolene ; Joseph; Lilin; Lydia; Peixin; Qinyi; Yvonne ; Ziying



.Don't trust a ho(man) (lol forever at adequate song name)..{ Saturday, January 9, 2010 }

It's worst when it's quiet. Just before you sleep or right after you wake - that's like the potential stab-self period lol.

We talked yesterday - I tried to figure out what in the fucking hell went wrong. The reason was really fucking twisted, to be completely fucking honest - but still I feel like I had a part to play in it. I know it's no excuse to cheat, but I know I pressured him quite a bit. Every time he wasn't there, I'd push a little more, ask for more time, more attention. I'd get more resentful each time he wasn't there when something major happened. The more I pushed, the more guilt and pressure he felt, the more he pulled away - how fucking twisted is that?

Wanting time with him pushed him straight into someone else's arms - go me. I win.

I know it's not a good enough reason to cheat (is there even a good enough reason??) but still - you can see why i feel crazy guilty.

Or as everyone puts it - he's playing me and i'm being a really stupid idiot.

But fuck me i'm still confused as ever. He's supposed to Mr.Decent, and now everything's played out this way. Even with all the evidence I've been given - I still want to make it work lol. I guess there really is no limit for stupidity, is there?

I just want to go back to being perpetually happy when we were together - that's probably why i keep grasping at straws lol.

But I cut off contact after the call - burns like crazy, but needed to be done. Going to take time away from him for 2 or 3 weeks and hopefully make a rational decision when the wounds aren't so fresh.

Oh and my polyfriends are freaking amazing. They camped outside my house and brought me comfort, CDs and comfort food lol. I didn't even know they were there - I was actually leaving the house to pick Ziying up from the MRT and when i opened the door, chingy popped out from nowhere and was all like ~SURPRISE~!!!! lololol.

Who needs bras when i've got such good friends/siblings lol - they're all the support I need <3

Oh and I was looking at the my previous posts and i found this gem:

LOL the irony is just killing me right now lol.

Gonna try to get some schoolwork done and try not to think of anything at all. bai.