Meatballs yestday with zinc and poks. No pic of poks cuz they were all unglam and she'd poke my eye out if i posted them lol.


Also, received this in the mail. It's a msg in a bottle that the boyfriend mailed over from Finland, Santa Claus Village (I shit you not). Thanks for the xmas wishes .. 12 days late. Saw this in the mail, ran up the stairs, chionged to open it, and read the really really sparse msg, felt ......... nothing much really.

I'm such a horrible girlfriend. I should be grateful (lol) that he even sent me something at all (i guess)? But still here I am, as pissed as before and as disgruntled.

Can i just be completely fucking honest?

I'm fucking terrified to see you.

Terrified that you're no longer in love with me;
terrified that I might no longer feel for you;

I'm afraid of how I'm going to react to you. That I'll realize you're not the one for me, that I'll be a real cunty bitch to you especially now that I'm still raw from all the bullshit you've been pulling.

I don't feel relief or happiness at fucking all. Either my brain is bleeding from the inside or our relationship is really fucking broken - I'd put my money on the latter though.

Aiya just fucking confused right now. If you blindfold me, spin me around in circles and kick me down the stairs i'd still be less disoriented than I am now. Okay maybe not. I'd be nauseous, pissed AND confused and will then proceed to projectile vomit all over you and pee down your throat lol.

But I digress - Everyone is telling me to just hold the fuck on til he comes back and try to solve it then, but why I would want to continue a one-sided relationship is way beyond me. Or that might just be the resentment talking.

Ok obviously need therapy STAT.

That is all. The more I think about it the more I want to vomit urgh k bai.