I can tell that you're watching me
And you're probably gonna write what you didn't see
Well I just need a little space to breathe
Can you please respect my privacy

Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
you Would wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I'm gonna live my life
Like I wanna

I'm tired of rumors starting
I'm sick of being followed
I'm tired of people lying
Saying what they want about me
Why can't they back up off me
Why can't they let me live
I'm gonna do it my way
Take this for just what it is

went for a the actual trek yesterday. it was alright la. then there was a suprise at the end. we had to walk down a trail in the middle of the forest. wee. everyone was wearing shorts. bloody ants and mosquitos. blahz . quite entertaining la. so anyway , stayed out til 3am - couldn't watch a movie, all booths closed at 11.40 on weekdays except fri. not bus or mrt home. taxi fares were doubled at midnight. crap. stuck at orchard with nothing to do. hahaha . in the end my sis couldn't take it and we grabbed a cab. here's the fucked up part. she told me what my dad said about me. he said " is this guy that important , that she doesn't care if he ruins her relationship with her family ? why does she have to degrade herself til she's so cheap ? " so having a boyfriend now is CHEAP la . thank you for enlightening me. den he said what i do reflects on my parents. which means they didn't teach me properly or some other shit. wtf la. if you didn't say that i could go out with him ( provided that i tell you when and where ) den i WOULD HAVE BROKEN UP WITH HIM IN THE BLOODY FIRST PLACE WAD ?!? what the hell is wrong with you and mom ? keep changing your minds . ya'll are giving me DEPRESSION YOU KNOW '?!?!?!? CRAP I CAN'T EVEN HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW CAUSE IT MAKES ME LOOOK CHEAP ?!?!?! WTF LA !! IN WHAT WAY IS HAVING A BOYFRIEND CHEAP ? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME !~! and i'm sorry i got spotted by my aunt when i was with jamie. and i'm sorry if she puts you in a spot but i don't MEAN TO ! what the hell. what am i gonna do now ?? and then he said he looks down on me. cuz i said i was gonna break up with him but i didn't BUT THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SAID I COULD GO OUT WITH HIM !! IF YOU DIDN'T SAY IT I WOULD HAVE ALREADY NOW YOu'rE FriGGIN CONFUSING ME ! and den he said would i rather put a stop to it all and try to restore my family relationship or continue my shit and cause him heartache. you're causing ME heartache . did you know that ? if you say 1 thing and mean another, don't friggin say it. then my sis said " ok, touch wood , i know you think it won't happen but what if one day he dumps you ? then you'd have gone through all that trouble for nothing and your relationship with us will be crap and you will have nothing. and if he really loves you he would see that he's causing the whole family to fight and he would wait for you if your love is strong. " what she says make sense , but KAO. this is too much for me to handle . and fuck im' so lost now.

hmm .. went out with lydia , ziying and jiali yesterday. haha . looking for a prezzie for jamie's mama. bought her a swarovski keychain . hope she likes it ! sOoOooO aNYwaY , went out to eat with his family ( cuz it's her birther -duH ) and my MOM LET ME ! WOOHOO !! it went alright until we quarrelled the day b4 .. bLAHS ! nvm. now we're alright and i had diarrhoea this morning and it was horrible. jamIe came to give me medicine =) . you're such a sweetie. love you . heheHEHehE .. den now i'm waiting for dinner. HUNGRY HUNGRY ME !! waHAahAhahAHahAhaha =D

OMG OMG OMG I'M SO HIGH NOW !! I THINK MY DAD IS OK WITH JAMIE !! not that he approves , just that he's OK with it !! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY !!! I DON'T HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HIM !! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!! first time i've been happy in such a long time .. =) ! I LOVE YOU BABY !! WEEEEEE !!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY !!!!!

sian. cried today. so paiseh. so damn sad. =( .. i'm gonna lose him soon. and it's killing me. had no mood throughout BIO lesson too. and then my teacher mentioned smokers. haiz. why smoke baby ? why ? don't say already la . tell you also no use - you won't listen. i accompanied you not because you psycho-ed me ( ok la , partly coz u psycho me la ) but cuz i wanna cherish the time we have left. den i came come , and my dad ignored me again. blur already la . wad you want me to do ? i really don't know. jamie jamie jamie jamie jamie. i love you. very much. locked myself in a room , whacked the shit out of the wall , cupboard and pillows. stress release. trust me- it doesn't work - at all.

i love you - for now and for always.

when you carried me home when i sprained my ankle.=)

when you tied my shoelaces for me.=)

when you danced your silly duck dance. =)

when you gave me that tiny yellow flower. =)

when you made me cry cuz you shouted at me . =(

when you laughed cuz i was scared of the stupid crow >=|

when you sing ( WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHahAHhaHAhaHaha =P )

when you make funny noises that i can't make (-__-)

when your face looks like this (-__-) when you can't make the funny noises that i can =P

when you call yourself handsome, dashing , cute etc etc. ( HAIYOH ! voMit bLooD !! )

when you laughed AGAIN cuz i tried to shoot you with bubble tea pearls and missed - by a lot (-__-)

when we sat down and talked by the canal.=)

when you spat in my hand by accident ( eew -_- )

when we danced on the pathway ( so PAISEH =X )

when you almost fall on the mrt ( so many times already =P )

when you whack everything in your path just for fun

when i spit 5 cm and you laugh your ass off

when you repeatedly say hello on the phone >=P

when you kick my ass at TEKAN 4 and laugh about it -_-

when you call me fat even though you're fatter =P

i'LL aLwaYs LovE you . aLways.

[ jamiE & yoK0 ][6th AuG 04 ][3 days to 4 mnths ] =)

sad day. dunno what to do .. called my father and asked if he wanted me to buy newspaper for him instead, he asked me to call my mom to the phone and asked HER to buy instead. what the hell. i eat glass become transparent izzit ? den argued with my mom and she told me my dad is pissed with me basically cuz i have a boyfriend. WTF you told me you were open and all the bullshit but in the end you AREN't . so WHy IN HELL DID YOU SAY SO I THE FIRST PLACE?? AND NOW YOU TELL ME I AIN'T MATURED ENOUGH TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.I SWEAR I COULD STRANGLE ANYONE NOW. and why shouldn't i be angry?? the both of you didn't make a sound when you found out about jamie and now one month later den you make noise OF COURSE i'M PISSED! AND CONFUSED AND TWICE AS PISSED BECAAUSE I'M QUARRELLING WITH MY SISTER NOW AND FUCK I'M SO ANGRY. why can't you just forget it ? it's been so long. and you ignore me like i'm made of air or something. fuck. i'm gonna cry. and my mom told me to my face to cool things off with jamie. I DON'T WANT TO! it hurts when i just THINK about it. i can't imagine leaving him. i DON"T WANT TO even do that. but how can i be with him and still be at peace with my family ? i can't have you and my family at the same time. i don't want to choose. please don't make me.

wee. a new month. yay. a new month of hurt and twisted dreams and sick people. big fake smiles, stupid lies but deep inside you're bleeding. blahz. greeted my dad today, and he ignored me. great . can you just feel my overbubbling joy. it's been a long time. will you just let it go already ? it hurts, you know. but i guess you don't. or you do but just want me to feel more guilty or some twisted psycho crap. haiz. got caught in the rain, fell down. fuck. and on the 1st day of a new month. excellent. can't even imagine what the erst of the month is gonna be like. feel like crying. will everyone just let me be me ? stop interfering with my life. this goes out to that fucked up kpo fucker who told my father. i swear i could and will kill you with my bare hands if i find out who you are, you bloody bastard. fuck you. i'm on the edge of breaking down . welcome to my life, dickfaces.