It's fucking slim shady! LOL no but srsly - fuck this shit. It's 6.30am, no one's online, I have no other outlet.
A little birdie told me, no wait, fuck that, a whole gigantic flock of fucking birdies told me things I wish I never knew, because now I don't even know what kind of person you are.
Who the fuck have I been dating for the past 3 years? The picture that said birdies are painting is so fucking different from the loving boyfriend you've been for years, and now my brain is all fucking scrambled.
I want to believe you so fucking badly, I really do - that it was an accident, it was her fault etc etc, but now I know better. I thought we were salvageable - how fucking stupid and naive am I? After what you did, most people would take a chopper to your peen, but instead I comforted you after you broke down and apologized. I think I was still in shock. Kinda still am, actually lol.
Can you believe this shit? I waited and waited and waited for months, only to find out you're part Tiger Woods. I can't breathe, I can't fucking reconcile these 2 different sides of you that everyone is showing me I can't I can't I just fucking can't.
When i first saw you at the airport, all I could feel was overwhelming relief that you were back. You held me and kissed my forehead while i cried my eyeliner off and I thought how fucking silly i was for ever doubting you in the first place. I told everyone - EVERY FUCKING ONE - that you'd be faithful, you're boa homan, you're a decent person, you'd never hurt me that way. Just how fucking blind/stupid am I?
I want to get angry and punch you in the face, but now all I feel is just downright fucking sad. I can't get the image of the two of you out of my head, I can't stop crying, I look like fucking WOLL SMOTH god fucking damn it.
See? Except with longer hair lol.
Want to sleep but can't. Want to stop thinking but can't. Am a fucking weak mess. Worst parts are when I look at facebook at ppl are all like CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS, YOUR WAIT IS OVER and I really really want to just fucking hurl.
Comments still disabled. Don't want to know what you're thinking, don't need you to tell me I'm a fucking idiot for even thinking about taking him back, because I know that - I really do know how fucking, fucking stupid it is.
I don't know how I can hate you for cheating and yet still want to be with you so fucking badly I can't breathe.
Aiy but i'll be okay la. I'm not stupid enough to be suicidal or anything, i'm just fucking fucking sad for now. I will get over it in time, i will try not take him back, but I can't promise anything because I am stupid and have now cried myself blind lol.
I took the next 2 weeks off from work to spend time with you, and now all that time is just looking vastly empty and I don't know what to do. If you're reading this, please ask me out haris/daniel/shaun/ziying/lydia/polyfriends. Don't let me be alone i don't want to think about it anymore.
I don't know what to do about our mutual friends though zzz. I've met some great people through you/squash (like Ameer, Sean Ang, Luke, Nick, Juan, Lumen, Lena) I don't want to stop being friends with them just because you're an asshole, but now when I see them or their facebk profiles it makes me think of you and that makes me want to vomit my ass off so I don't really know what the fuck to do.
okay that is all that's on my mind right now, i will try to keep preoccupied with mahjong or something. Bye.